I used to care a lot about some things, about the echoes of some shadows, whether it was the evening breeze that would immediately seep between my eyebrows, or the gentle and murmuring flow that I was used to in my arms and quietly in my heart. It often felt very sensitive, and what I saw was very clear. Of course, it was inevitable to think about it slowly and consider it carefully. I think I can be considered a romantic person, at least I really like romance, and I also think that romance really likes me. Otherwise, why would I have such thoughts? Many of the shadows I see are very clear, but I deliberately treat the clever smile in front of me as an unintentional tenderness. This has nothing to do with how foolish it is.
Sometimes, whether it is between my eyebrows or in my heart, it is necessary to have some vague illusions. I dare not claim to be very wise, but often, happiness cannot be without a little cleverness. This is also true for romance. The more I understand that the days are so plain, and even a bit dull, the more suitable it is to have some slightly complicated patterns.
Even though I don't want to say it like this, the eyes are really like this. And often it is not possible, but it must be clear, and it doesn't have to be sometimes, it is usually deep in the heart that there are many deep hopes and expectations that rarely have echoes. The more I pray, the more I hope, some things, some shadows, often, it is precisely unsatisfactory. As for gains and losses, you can ask the bright moon, she also has no good strategy. And for such things that are difficult to say, it is even more difficult to say in vain, it is natural to think with ease, and it is also very wonderful. But if it is so detached, it is still a bit like having a few more stars, clear and clear, and bright and elegant. But at this moment, it is still not as ordinary as dust, so it is better to seek second best. Sometimes intentionally imagine something more romantic and beautiful, but it only brings a moment of joy, which is also a kind of happiness.
Thinking like this, it has nothing to do with compromise and decline. I feel more transparent. I think that no matter what, I have to face it in the end, and even though such a face is ordinary, and even though most of the time it is inevitable, it is necessary to have more and deeper hopes and expectations.
It was intentional, and I unintentionally lost a lot. It seems that such a condensed romance and poetic hope and expectation have turned into so-called spiritual luxury goods, but there are still many left.
Don't think like I used to, whether it's infatuation or confusion, holding on to the idea of being together forever, and letting the faint shadows of Chen Wang and Tai Bai's moonlight and snow color intoxicate, but after a long time, even a trace of evening breeze has not been seen. Then I just brushed my sleeves and left, the later it is, the more difficult it is to dissipate and regret.
Regarding thinking, you never have to force it with wishful thinking. If it is so easy, it will unconsciously become more drunk and intoxicated. According to Mr. Zhu's sentiment, deep sleep is very good, but a nap also has its own flavor. What I am fond of, what I love, to put it bluntly, is naturally you, and more importantly, it is me who is infatuated with you. This thought that is not in my heart is precisely my love for you. Writing a poem or cooking a bowl of porridge for you unintentionally is already fulfilling my deep affection, and it is already perfecting my beloved. Whether you like it or not, whether you are happy or not, that is your thought, that is your feeling. I miss you, but it has nothing to do with you. I think of you, it is because of you, and it is even more because of my own reasons. It may suddenly bloom, or it may slowly unfold.
Since this is the case, why should I worry so deeply about the echo? I think of Mr. Yi Shan's words at that time, "Thinking about lovesickness is useless, but it is not wrong to feel melancholy." Sometimes, caring too much is a bit vulgar.
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The original link is https://nishikori.tech/posts/prose/2020-05-28