But it's not that I deliberately want to do it. This is probably an unnecessary digression. I have never felt tired of it, and it's not about how it happened. It's just that my heart is difficult to bear. There is no need to talk about it anymore. It's just that my heart is filled with this destiny and heavenly destiny. At this moment, I don't need to think about how to go along with it. Although my heart still involuntarily wants to ponder deeply. Gradually, I understand that it often unintentionally brings up encounters and separations that are hard to escape. The gatherings and dispersals, they are just ordinary shadows in this green mountains and rivers, seen and experienced more, and naturally become ordinary.
In general, it's time to let go. There is no need to be as before, fearing that it would seem pretentious. It's like the idea of "creating new words to express sorrow." I do regret it a bit. I often think that I should write something every day, whether it's prose or poetry. But I have never experienced the kind of indescribable truthfulness that I think about writing. I just think about writing it effortlessly, seeing the words neatly written, enough to be appreciated at a glance. But when I encounter the same kind of sentiment that I used to write about, I want to write again, but I don't know where to start, and I don't know how to express it. I think that even if I use ordinary and even more ordinary words, it is still difficult to eliminate this feeling.
I just want to say that no matter whether I look at it or think about it, even if it is a great talent, it is appropriate to talk about parting and abandonment lightly.
Often, I can't help but indulge in thoughts, whether it's intentional or unintentional, maybe I have found some outlines, quietly leaving, hurriedly leaving, it is difficult to make it disappear from now on. Even if I indulge in romance, it is still just a dream.
It's just that people are always like this. If they only encounter it, they are always reluctant to cherish it, let alone how to treasure it. They just let it be in vain and desolate, and it is difficult to express the complete separation and dispersal. Seeing the person in front of me, it is no longer as calm as the spring light, nor as dim as a dream.
Whether it is advising others or explaining to oneself, the reason for saying this is becoming more and more clear. The "person in front of me" that can be touched is so warm and so real, and it is so lasting. It can be considered an enlightenment. How elusive the old friend is, and how unreachable.
But often, most of the sentiments are so clear, but they still make the words of sorrow and sad poems in this world countless. Thinking about it, it's just "not as good as" beyond these thoughts. Most of the hearts have no reason anymore.
Little did I know that parting is just like this. I have never realized that there is such a difference between the current pair of eyebrows and eyes and the previous shadow, or there is such a difference. It's just that I am clear that when I encounter this moment, even until this moment, this pair of eyebrows and eyes is a gift from destiny. When this pair of eyebrows and eyes occasionally dim, I can't help but think of how bright the previous shadow was, and thus I lightly part with this pair of eyebrows and eyes.
There is no need to think about how to say it anymore. It's so difficult to eliminate. In the past, it brought up the thought of "thinking about the distant mountains and rivers, the falling flowers, the wind and rain, and it's better to cherish the person in front of you." But now, perhaps I finally understand when Mr. Xianxian wrote these words, the preciousness in his heart, how long and how often it is.
This article is synchronized and updated to xLog by Mix Space. The original link is https://nishikori.tech/posts/prose/2021-11-02