Throughout, it has always been involuntary to gaze into the distance at dusk by the window. But it is unintentional to see anything. What I dream and ponder about has been far away from me for a thousand years, unable to be seen, yet close at hand. If I want to disturb myself, I can simply open a collection of poems, just pure gazing into the distance. As for hoping for something, I may not want to say it explicitly, but when I am about to speak, I feel involuntarily intoxicated and think it is because of those who taught me that since we met, I have been unconsciously entangled in their shadows like light wine, making people immerse themselves in a slight intoxication and depth. Or is it that I don't know which ancient poet's poetic sentiment is being evoked to speak of the joy of this bright moon, which seems appropriate.
Suddenly, I firmly believe that the heavens and the earth are so worthy.
She is like the thoughts under the pens of the predecessors, teaching me that from the first sight until now, I am still deeply intoxicated. But whether a poet or a literati, even if I believe that at this moment, there is more on my mind, this clear and ethereal, this graceful and gentle, this distant and warm smile, whether it is a figure or a shadow, is just a reflection, but I always think that she carries her unique thoughts and feelings, and our encounter is truly a foolish fantasy, yet this kind of fantasy is so gentle, so warm, and so real, so romantic.
Thinking about it, in one's lifetime, there must always be a foolish thought in one's heart, otherwise, where does this romance come from?
Let's not dwell on it, it's all in the past, but I still wonder how the predecessors who are looking at each other at this moment feel, which I often involuntarily think about. At this moment, it is not the Tang family or the Song Academy that I long for. The beauty of that time has not withered or faded in my heart. The teacher is still leaning against the west window, still asking the fallen petals without words. Probably there is no need to look for anything else.
The shadows that people share under the moonlight, perhaps they don't care whether they are in a small building or a high building at this moment, but it is just a thought about feelings, and it is fortunate that it is a thought about feelings. After that, my eyes and shadows finally returned, and if I am lucky, the figure walking alone by the Lize Lake is still there, living in the air or living between the pages, what difference does it make.
I think at this moment, the moonlight between my brows and in my arms is just like this.
In the past, I couldn't help but sigh, not like this continuous and clear shadow of the sky, making me love the world more clearly, but it is intentional, but I hate that I am unable to reflect the beauty of the Tang family and the Song Academy that has lasted for a thousand years, gradually, this kind of shy and awkward sentiment in my heart fades, and it seems to have disappeared,
But it's not that I'm tired, it's just that at this moment, what is deeply held in my heart is no longer about the heavens and the earth, which are often not worth mentioning but indispensable dust.
Translated by Mix Space and originally published on xLog. Original link: https://nishikori.tech/posts/prose/2022-10-30